Luxury Sleeper Car My Ass

Zurich to Amsterdam - December 2022

I had the brilliant idea of taking a train from Zurich to Amsterdam after reading about sleeper cars.  I thought we could sleep through the ride and avoid an extra night in the hotel. So, I booked a luxury private sleeper cabin for my cousin and me.  And it did not go well. First let me say, that is not our cabin.  It's something I downloaded from the internet and is what I thought we were getting.

The train was delayed a bit, which is unusual, especially given that it was departing a Swiss train station, and we were left standing on the freezing platform waiting with the other unfortunate souls. When we finally got onboard and walked down the narrow hallway, I was sure there had been a mistake. Then the door to our cabin couldn't be unlocked. Hmmm.  When the porter did get it open, I was confused.  Surely this tiny space wasn't ours.  It had three bunks, a tiny sink area and a small table and chair.  Where was the private bathroom we paid for?  Where was the luxury?? 

Oh, the porter brought us little bottles of champagne.  Warm champagne. Maybe that was the luxury. Where was the ladder that helped the second person (me) get on the higher bed?  Oh, it's the rickety little piece of aluminum that was hidden in what I assume was the closet?  Great, that's not going to kill me. And where was our bathroom??

Ok, we settled in as well as we could.  I took an extra sleeping pill, an antivert for dizziness and a zofran for nausea so that I could sleep.  Julie took nothing.  Before we fell asleep, I decided to make a run down to the non-private bathroom. After my hysterical efforts at getting off my bunk I made my way down the cold, quiet hall. I followed my nose to the bathroom.  It was then that I thanked my lucky stars that we didn't have a private bathroom in our cabin.  Because Oh. My. God.it was disgusting.  I couldn't pee fast enough!  

When I returned to our (cough, cough) room I had to make the treacherous climb back into my bunk.  Whew, made it!  We turned out the lights and prayed for sleep.  Nope.  Well, I got a couple hours, but Julie got none!  Poor thing. I also got some very nasty "bites?" on my lower legs where my capri yoga pants ended.  Um, what?!  Are they bed bug bites? The beds were covered in thick plastic so I'm not sure how they would survive. Julie didn't have any, but mine itched like crazy and were super attractive coupled with the frostnip on my right hand that I got on Mt. Titlis. 

I'll spare you the recounting of how I had to pee badly when we woke up and that by the time I made it down the "ladder" and into the hallway I was already peeing a bit... but you get the gist.  Thank God Julie and I are able to laugh our way through just about anything.

Bottom line: don't book a luxury private sleeper cabin from Zurich to Amsterdam.  It's hell on rails. It's a rolling prison. Don't do it.