Fortune or Sacrife?
Risan, Montenegro - April 2024
I've been hearing from people lately about how lucky I am to be able to live out this amazing dream. Although I don't consider it luck, I agree. I feel very fortunate. But it's not without a lot of sacrifice. And don't roll your eyes thinking this bitch has the nerve to complain? Because yes, there has been a lot of sacrifice on my part. I tend to mentally note the pros and cons of big decisions so let's do the pros and cons of this vagabond life.
PROS:
I get to travel to my heart's content. I get to experience the beauty of a new country every month. I get to experience new cultures. I get to meet new people and learn about their history. I get to try amazing new foods I wouldn't have otherwise. I can go to bed at 4am and get up at noon if I want. I don't have a full-time job weighing me down. I live on my own terms. I eat what I want, when I want. I have no one to answer to except myself. I can pick up and leave at a moment's notice and move onto whatever is calling me next. I always have the satisfying anticipation of an upcoming trip. I'm free as a bird. Lots of pros.
CONS:
I don't have a place to call home since I gave up my apartment and sold or gave away everything I own. I don't have my own bed to snuggle up in, or a place that holds all my treasures and comforts, a retreat, a safe place to fall. I no longer have a place for my friends and family to come stay. No more last-minute overnight visits. I have a seriously miniscule wardrobe. Everything I own fits in a small carryon and a backpack. I miss my clothes and shoes and handbags (and jewelry and shelves full of glam products). I miss my people even more - my children and grandchildren, extended family and friends. The time difference can really suck. 6-8 hours depending on where I am. Coordinating FaceTime isn't as easy as it used to be. Groceries are quite different. Finding pasteurized cow milk can be very challenging. As a gal who loves her cereal, that is a real bitch. I can't find an economical way to watch all my shows. (Who needs shows when you're in an exciting new place? A girl who stays up until 4am, that's who.) It's a crap shoot as to whether the bed, let alone pillows, of a new apartment are going to be comfortable. If I'm sick, there's no one to help me. There's more, but I don't need to go on to prove my point. There are plenty of cons.
Most of us want to see our friends and family doing well, but we don't want to hear them complain while it's happening. And I'm not talking about just me, although it does apply. I am hesitant to really voice any unhappiness or loneliness to anyone because I don't want to sound ungrateful. For many years now I have tried to live a life of gratitude. Some days it's a real struggle. I know you've been there, too. Maybe you recently got a big promotion and raise so you don't feel like you can complain about your shitty boss anymore. Or maybe your children are excelling in their sport, and you don't want to take away from their glory by talking about how hard their schedule is on you. Buy a new house? Don't bitch about your mortgage. New shoes? Stop griping about your blister. Can't find your choice of milk? Well, some people have no food.
RIght now I'm in Montenegro surrounded by the most gorgeous landscapes you can imagine. Well, I guess you don't need to imagine since I share photos often. You may wonder how I can complain while staying in such a beautiful, peaceful place. Because life doesn't play out in photographs. Can we all just cut each other some slack and accept the struggles that sometimes go hand in hand with great news? Fortune often comes with sacrifice, and we should allow ourselves, and others, the space to share both. The fact that some people don't have milk doesn't negate the fact that I can't find mine. I know these things aren't equal, but that doesn't change how it affects me. And just because you can't relate to someone's struggle doesn't mean you should judge it. Support your friends when they need it, and when it doesn't look like they do, too. Because some of us bury the sacrifices a little deeper.