For Vonet, Whom I Adored
Saranda, Albania - January 2024
As my month in Sarande comes to an end, I'll admit I'm glad to be moving on. Sarande is a beautiful city, but my time here has been overshadowed by a difficult personal situation, and I've struggled with my emotions. I've done the little bit I felt able, but not what I intended, and not what this city deserves. It really is a remarkable place to visit, and I'm so grateful for the solace of the beautiful sunsets seen from my terrace.
When I decided to embark on this journey, I knew it would be difficult not seeing friends and family more than once a year. One friend in particular would weigh heavily on me. Vonet was kind, caring, and generous to a fault (expecting nothing in return). She had a wonderful sense of humor. She was a small business owner, endlessly donating time and resources to the community. She was a friend to everyone who crossed her path. Honestly, she is one of the best people I've ever known. She and I have been dearest of friends for 45 years. We didn't see each other frequently but we talked and texted all the time. Our souls have been intertwined from the day we met. We've shared joys and sorrows, new loves and broken hearts. She is my memory bank, my keeper of secrets, my person.
Vonet battled a rare and especially nasty form of breast cancer. Following chemo, radiation and a double mastectomy, she had a brief period in remission. When it returned it did so with a vengeance. Vonet, a strong and fiercely devoted person, refused to give up, saying "What choice do I have?" She had a family and a business that depended on her. She also refused to quit working, even doing so from her hospital bed. She just kept going. Her battle reminded me so much of my husband's in the end that it often felt like I was reliving those sad, tender moments. That made being alone and half a world away even harder. Sadly, her battled ended on January 27, 2024, and my heart broke. After 45 years, how am I supposed to live the rest of this life without her?
I suppose that was answered by Vonet herself when she said, "You'll have to live for both of us now." We spent a weekend together a couple of months before I left for Europe. We had some very deep conversations and reminisced about the old days. We laughed and we cried. We both knew it would be the last time that we saw each other in person, though neither of us said that aloud. We continued to talk and text until the very end. She made me swear that I wouldn't interrupt my travels to come back to the US. She was adamant about that, not even for her funeral. Rather, she said she wanted me to enjoy every day as if it were my last. So that is how I will honor her. I'll not waste time with regrets, nor be afraid to try something new. I'll meet interesting new people, try delicious new foods, flirt with new men, make new memories, laugh and love. I can do that; what choice do I have? I'm living for both of us now.